Net Nerds Establish Actual Hotline for Politicians’ Questions About Internet Attacks

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A recent cyber attack that left major websites scrambling to restore service to their customers has once again highlighted just how clueless many of our legislators in Washington D.C. actually are about how the internet works.

Luckily, a new hotline has been established to help politicians through these confounding times. Fight for the Future, a group of net neutrality advocates launched 1 (844) 294-A-CLUE, a toll-free hotline meant to clear up the confusion.


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The goal of Fight for the Future’s new hotline is to explain internet legislation to representatives like Tennessee’s Marsha Blackburn. She was interviewed by CNN this past weekend and looked foolish in her attempt to not only explain the recent denial of service attacks, but legislative attempts to prevent them.


Instead of making an articulate argument, Blackburn spun off into a defense of the a failed piece of legislation: the 2011 Stop Online Piracy Act. SOPA, as it has come to be known, would have had no bearing on Friday’s attack. None whatsoever. Yet this point seems to have completely escaped Blackburn.

“A few years ago we tried to do a bill called SOPA in the House which would require the ISPs do some governance on these networks and to block some of the bad actors,” said Blackburn, “and of course, there were all of the cyberbots that took out after us that were trying to say ‘no you can’t do that you’re going to impede our free speech.’”


“Cyberbots that took out after us…” ? It is exactly this type of ludicrous gibberish that Fight for the Future hopes to rectify.

“When members of Congress talk about ‘cyber bots’ coming after them about free speech, people on the Internet have a hard time taking them seriously,” the group writes. “We started this hotline to help you avoid those cringeworthy moments that could make you famous in a bad way, but more importantly, to get you up to speed on internet security so that you don’t make uninformed decisions about the Internet and our basic rights in the digital age.”


“Congress, help us help you,” Fight for the Future begs. “This phone call could be one of the most important things you do today.”