I’m old enough to remember when ordering a Pabst wasn’t a sign of your refined sense of irony. It was a cheap beer. Right down there with Milwaukee’s Best. And drinking a PBR meant you had more quarters to plunk in the pool table.
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Now you can’t go to the bar without paying too much for some bogus mix of flavors served in a container you know you shouldn’t drink from.
Need proof? Take a look at these images below.
1. Science is cool.
Scientists are sexy. Scientists that booze it up are even sexier. Thumbs up for beaker beer. I’m not one that likes too much head on a beer, though. And I’d like to know what was in these beakers before my beer.
2. Cooking is hip.
Just as hip as science, especially if your ingredients are locally sourced. So why no sip your cocktail out of a measuring cup? This way, if anyone asks how much you’ve had to drink, you can tell them. Exactly.
3. Chinese take-out?
The box is waterproof. This is one of the best ways to get around an open-container law. Best to use a clean box. Otherwise your drink may taste of Mongolian beef.
I’m not sure what kind of witch’s brew is bubbling up in this flask, but it tastes better if you sip it while it rests on a bed of moss–and even better if you sip it through a faux-birch-bark straw.
Drinking is bad for you. I get that, but why add to the risk? I do know exactly what’s supposed to be in this container, and it isn’t meant for human consumption. If you want to make a statement, drink from a hazmat receptacle.
6. Hipsters love their hip flasks.
A good hip flask is a mandatory part of the uniform. But a propoerly carried hip flask warms the liquor inside. So why not put the flask itself on the rocks?
Call me old-school, but you can’t buy moonshine in a store. That’s part of what makes it moonshine. If you can buy it in a store and it may not make you blind, it shouldn’t be called moonshine.
8. Unnecessary Inconvenience.
Beer in cans is often ruined by the terrible taste imparted by a pop-top. So these hipsters have solved the problem. You have to provide your own holes to drink, but they’re thoughtful enough to provide an opener, too.
9. Thrift -store pots and pans.
I think this one practically explains itself. Dinner and drinks served in something you picked up from the Salvation Army store.
10. Hollowed out cucumber glasses.
This makes vegans happy. Instead of putting the cucumber in your gin, you can put your gin in your cucumber.
Out of cucumbers or pots and pans? No worries. Pop open a box of cereal. Eat the cereal–or just pour the beer right on in.
12. Juice. For mommy and daddy.
Wine always tastes better from a bottle. AJust make sure it is BPA free.
I’m not drinking this one. It looks like something that might have come from the lab were the sexy scientists are drinking beer from beakers.
14. Sweet and sour. Spicy and sour
Lemons are not aggressive enough on their own, so these hep cats decided to sprinkle on some red pepper. Now it will pucker up your lips, and then light them on fire. But you can quench the flames with a sip of this pink stuff, which may or may not be laced with chili powder.
But at least they put it in a glass. These out-of-work photographers found a way to re-purpose their old lenses.
I’ve got a soap dish at home that looks exactly like this cutesy little bath-tub. GIn won’t bubble up like this, though, so I’m not sure what kind of soapy concoction they’re serving.
Hopefully they took the Marmite residue out of this before they added the rasberry beer. But knowing hipsters, I doubt it.
Nothing says hipster like out-of-date technology. And having a Polaroid made of you and your gal-pal at the bar, and then attached to your drink–now that’s cool.
19. Hillbilly Yeti.
She doesn’t look happy. As this is a piece about hipsters, I can’t guarantee that she isn’t or is. But she is drinking something that was served to her in a cleaned-up tin can. And I bet she’s paying for the privilege.
20. Overdressed Mason Jar.
I grew up drinking from mason-jars because I was poor. Now they’re trendy again. And since trendy is anathema for hipsters, they’re dressing them up like burlap hula dancers. Mixed metaphors.
This one might actually taste good. And, like the cucumber, you can eat it when you’re finished.
22. Beer on ice from a tea-pot?
I think that’s what this is. Hipsters everywhere are scoffing at me. They know. They could tell me what this is, but I won’t have ever heard about it.
I won’t eat oysters, anyhow. I have, in an attempt to prove myself suitably hip, eaten a cooked oyster. But I’m not eating or drinking this. It look like the waiter may have sneezed on his way to the table.
24. Rockin’ six-pack.
This dude has a great six-pack. If there was ever a legit use for a beard, this is it. And it is PBR.
25. Bright idea.
This isn’t the worst use for a faux light-bulb, but you can’t set your drink down. I guess you could screw it in, if you pulled out the straw.
26. Road Kill Bonus.
And #26 is the perfect example of how nefarious hipster culture has become. BrewDog Beer. $1,000 a pop. And yes, this is supposedly real roadkill, with their skins lovingly cured, and stuffed. With beer. For $1,000.