35 Life Lessons You’ll Only Understand If You’re Married.

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Those of you who are married will undoubtedly recognize yourself here. You can go to all of the church sponsored marriage classes you want, and there’s still nothing that will actually prepare you for the real thing. And if you’re not married, I’d offer this–read these tweets carefully; You may think they’re funny now….

Maybe I need to be watching more house hunters! You know–so I can stop watching it. That might help.

As I get older, my hearing is slowly going. Soon enough, I’ll be able to honestly answer no.

I’m the kind of husband who gets the list and then promptly loses it.

This is a very true statement. And it never ends, even after the lessons are learned.

This is why they invented the phrase “duly noted.”

She needs to cut off more episodes of House Hunters.

Guilty as charged.

I’ve actually never had this problem–the wife just won’t scare.

Yeah, yeah. Wait till you have kids.

Like watching House Hunters.

I make her investigate the noises, as she never gets scared by anything.

Sing it, children of the 80s.

Yeah, you wish you could go back to snoozing the alarm clock for 2.5 hours.

I can eat 50 eggs.

Not going down those stairs.

What is it with cheese and porn?

Ouch. Too much honesty.

It is legal now.

Every question after marriage is rhetorical.

Taco trucks on every corner.

As well she should.

Try to seduce your husband? You have to try? I’d suggest cheese.

There’s something refreshing about honesty like this.

Yeah, well I’m now streaming episode after episode of House Hunters, just so I can cut them off. If it doesn’t work, I’m going to try the cheese.

Because you were listening to the noises!

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

This exactly. And he’s probably using too much of it.

When he’s good, he’s our son. When he’s bad he’s her son.
At least you have a love of dogs in common.
At least you have a love of dogs in common.

I’m the one who coughs. Didn’t know it was a problem until now.


I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought exactly this.

Like I said, priorities.

IF these tweets have taught you anything, it is the importance of cheese. Not chocolate.

See-the cheese.