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North Korea is slowly turning into a tragic cartoon villain. On the one hand, its people starve under an oppressive regime that resembles a prison more than a country. On the other hand, well, Kim Jong Il claimed he invented the hamburger. The list of banned activities and contraband are equally bizarre and amusing at times.

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TV

10. Watching Television

Unsurprisingly for the cult-dictatorship of North Korea, citizens are prohibited from watching anything but official state propaganda.

Propanda film

This hasn’t stopped them, as in the last two years, North Korea has executed around a hundred and thirty people for watching good  corrupt South Korean television programming.

 

Bible

9. Practicing Religion

Godless communist country it is, this is again probably proceeding as expected. North Korea publicly disagrees, but reports persist of thousands of people tortured for their faith.

There is nothing religious about. Nothing at all.

There is nothing religious about. Nothing at all.

In 2013, eighty Christians were executed just for owning a bible, in a stadium alla ancient Rome.

 

Beer

8. Drinking Alcohol

North Koreans can only drink on specific holidays and any student found drinking risks ‘interrogations’.

Kim Jung Il

Said specific holidays do not include the time of mourning Kim Jong-Il’s death. A North Korean officer who didn’t get the memo was executed by mortar in 2012.

 

Driving1

7.Driving

North Koreans are free to enjoy the boundless glories of their country– from their homes. Freely moving about the country is forbidden and there is one car per thousand people in the country.

Driving2

Those truly dedicated to the party, however, receive luxurious cars and are chauffeured in extravagance from place to place.

 

Music

6.Playing Music

We’re getting pretty close to ‘everything Americans do on Sunday’. All music in North Korea, like it’s television, is state produced and must glorify the regime.

Music2

As such, ‘decadent western music’ is a crime against the state comparable to treason, and will get you killed. A lot of these are ending with ‘will get you killed’, now that I think on it.

 

Calls

5.International Calls

And here’s another one! Communicating with corrupting influences that will lie to you about the outside world is punishable by death.

What do you mean that's not what American's look like?

What do you mean that’s not what American’s look like?

And they’ll follow through on it too. In 2013, North Korea had a man publicly executed for calling his South Korean friend.

 

Whispering

4.Talking

Now, just because you can’t talk to people outside the country, doesn’t mean you can talk to people inside the country. Especially about things that could be wrong with North Korea’s perfect regime.

Shockingly, there are few photos from inside prison camps.

Shockingly, there are few photos from inside prison camps.

Such treasonous talk will land you in a ‘re-education camp’, where you will be worked hard until you relearn the values of the current regime.

 

International Flight

3. Traveling Abroad

The worse thing you could do in the eyes of the North Korean government is leave. Why would you ever want to? No, you have to be sick to want to leave perfect happy North Korea.

ChinaNorthKorea

If they catch you in China, the easiest and safest way to leave, you will be forcible returned to the utopia of North Korea. And executed.

 

Censored

2.Porn

Alright. No beer, no music, no complaining about the government, no television, no church, no cars, and now no porn? They really do just outlaw being an American over there.

Deals with break ups worse than Taylor Swift.

Deals with break ups worse than Taylor Swift.

Like everything else, selling or buying pornography can lead to the death sentence. In 2013 Leader Kim Jong-Un had his ex-girlfriend executed in front of her family for making a sex tape.

 

Typing

1.Surfing the Web

And yep. That’s the last thing on the list. Not allowed to be an American in North Korea. Nope.

Internet

Not only is North Korea’s internet pure propaganda, but it also requires authorization to access. They take it so seriously over there that an online journalist was imprisoned for six months over a typo. Oh God, I’d be dead by now.