Modern day parenting means facing a litany of problems and situations our parents never encountered. It also means having more ways to share those moments with the world like these parents did.
The ever-so-special card just for Father’s Day:
3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy's card?
Me (in bed): Yes.
3yo: Will he love it?
Me: Yes. pic.twitter.com/TJepUORQwH
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) June 21, 2015
The joys of a family vacation:
Kids' complaints on vacation:
– No wifi on beach
– Sand is sandy
– Ocean has salt in it
– Lobsters? I want pizza.
– Too outdoorsy outside
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) June 7, 2016
The wannabe Bob the Builder:
My 3yo "accidentally" unspooled the entire roll of toilet paper. But don't worry, he "fixed" it. pic.twitter.com/MFKWJ2rNqi
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) October 24, 2014
Solving the eternal struggle of “what’s for dinner?”:
If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 6, 2014
Seriously, construction vehicles are awesome, right?:
Just saw a cement mixer truck on the street and got excited.
THIS IS WHAT FATHERHOOD HAS DONE TO ME!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 3, 2014
What are you up to in there? Why are you so quiet?:
Parenting is stressful because when kids are loud, they're annoying and when they're quiet, they might be about to lose a limb or eyeball.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) October 1, 2014
What was that?!? What the hell was that?
When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 6, 2016
Finding out your kid is unintentionally funnier than you ever realized:
4-year-old: Why do you go to work?
Me: They pay me a salary.
4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2015
Passing on important life lessons:
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) September 4, 2011
It’s only logical:
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it's 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016
The “in case you forgot”:
Me: [in bathroom]
7yo: [knocks] MOMMY?
Me: Yeah pal
7: IT'S ME
Me: I know
7: YOUR SON
Me: Knew that too
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) June 19, 2016
Always look on the bright side of life:
watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence
at least we don't have to save for college
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 27, 2014
Ice cream can make a day go better:
I'm not saying I'm a parenting expert, but letting your kids have ice cream for breakfast makes the morning more pleasant.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 1, 2016
Still better than Nickelback:
Flyer for 7's band.They've already broken up 3 times & no one can play an instrument. Obviously, the next big thing. pic.twitter.com/qCNC0LpA9F
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) May 20, 2016
Realizing they are just smaller versions of you:
5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would "have a piece of cheese and calm down"
So, yeah, she's mine.
— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) June 14, 2016
Pocket apples. That is all you need to remember:
Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples.
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) June 10, 2016
It’s the hierarchy of childhood development:
Steps babies take to learn about the world:
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 20, 2016
It’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission:
KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad…may we have ice cream?
ME: no you may not
K: dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) June 9, 2016
Pleasant days at the park meet the modern parenting dilemma:
*looks up from phone*
"Kids!! we're leaving the playground in 22 percent."
— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife) June 24, 2013
I’ve got no money, but what I do have is a very particular set of skills:
I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014
Pleasant mornings in bed with the family:
I woke up with a toddler's foot under my chin trying to pry my head off like a bottle cap in case you were thinking about having kids.
— Descending Dave (@Dave_in_SoPo) April 3, 2015
Realizing you may not have passed on the best of your genes:
7: I'm beating you!
7: I'm way ahead!
Me: I see that.
7: I'm gonna win!
My son on the carousel horse in front of me.
— Master of Mediocrity (@charliedelta7) March 13, 2016