Entertainment

Mom’s Kids Leave Her a Special Gift. Only It Isn’t What She Thinks it is. It is Much Worse.

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There’s a lesson here. Call it a teachable moment. Maybe it’s the dad’s fault. The mother was out of town. No matter how you parse this one, it doesn’t end well. Funny, yes. But only because it happened to someone else. Take a look at this image in all its glory:

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It looks almost like an organ, something that might have been left over after a dissection. But it isn’t. It’s worse.

Ashford Evans, author of the blog Biscuits and Crazy, has three kids. When she returned home from a business trip, she new something wasn’t right.

“After a long delayed flight and subsequent 2 hour drive from the airport … [I came home to] sweet sweet silence and an empty house.”

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“When I entered the bathroom I was greeted by a sweet citrus smell,” Evans writes. “The entire bathroom seemed to have been scrubbed just before my arrival. I looked around astonished that my husband would think to clean the house just before my arrival (God knows how much I hate returning to a messy house) and that’s when I saw it. One of the children’s cereal bowls sitting on the shelf with what seemed to be an old bar of soap sitting in it.”

Soap in the bathroom? Nothing unusual there. Only Evans handles most of the domestic duties in the house, and this wasn’t her soap. “I didn’t remember buying it.”

It is helpful to note that she gives her kids pseudonyms on her blog. She calls them Eeny, Meeny, and Miny.

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“The smell of fresh grapefruit in a perfectly silent house is just short of heaven I believe. Throughout the night I returned several times to inhale its tropical scent … I never bothered to wash my hands after fondling it because it was, after all, just soap.”

Just soap. This is where you may find yourself wanting to cringe. Trust your gut. Cringe.

“The next morning … Eeny emerged from the guest bathroom pressing the bar to her lips and breathing deeply saying “This is my favorite. I love the way this smells.”

“‘I know!’ I wholeheartedly agreed. “What IS that? Where did you guys get that?’ I asked.”

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“‘Meeny found it in the boys bathroom at Tae Kwon Do and brought it home,’ she happily replied.”

“And that’s when it hit me. It wasn’t some upscale boutique $15 soap I had been caressing for the last 12 hours. It was a urinal cake.”

“With this realization I screamed and jerked it from her [Eeny’s] hands flinging it into the trashcan.

“‘NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!’ she cried bursting into tears. ‘It’s my FAVORITE!!!!!’

“‘WASH YOUR HANDS, YOUR FACE, OH GOD WASH EVERYTHING!!!!!!” I screamed back.’

“Everything went black.”

After, Evans shared her story. She did an interview with Babble and talked about that moment.

“When I first realized it was a urinal cake I didn’t actually pass out but honestly everything [was] awfully blurry with millions of thought running through my head.”

“After the initial shock, I realized how freaking hilarious it was and how this is just the sort of thing I should put on my blog. So I made the obvious choice to fish it back out of the trashcan so that I could get photo evidence for the post. I immediately wrote a status post quickly reviewing what happened … [and then] I call[ed] my husband. [But] when he answered the phone he was making gagging sounds. I asked him what was wrong and he said ‘I just saw your Facebook post. I had no idea what that thing was. I thought it was a piece of dried fruit: I almost tasted it. WHAT IF I HAD TASTED IT?’”